Male-Bashing Is Unacceptable
I read an article called “Are You Going to Let Him Manipulate You?” on a website called Latin Bay Area. Like so many articles I come across on abusive relationships, the author chose to label all males as perpetrators and all females as victims. While I applaud Maria Marin’s desire to empower women, like many others she does it by degrading men. I find this unacceptable.
How common is male-bashing? The answer is truly disturbing.
Ever heard the term “deadbeat dad?” The reality is fathers pay more of their child support orders, and more often, than mothers do. In other words, for all parents with child support orders, there is a higher percentage of “deadbeat moms” than “deadbeat dads.” How often do you hear the term “deadbeat mom?”
Do you have a teen son who has a relationship with a girl who hits him? Does he play-it-off like it’s not a problem? Maybe that’s because our society is slow to accept the fact that females can be aggressive, dangerous, even lethal. The truth is teen and college-age females hit their partners more than males. Over-all females abuse and murder children and initiate partner aggression more often than males.
If you’re a mom who lives in California you might think you could turn to the California Women’s Law Center to learn how to help your son. What you’d find is a brochure called “Teen Dating Violence: An Ignored Epidemic.” I’m sorry to say, you won’t find the support or solutions you’re looking for. According to this brochure, only females are victims and only males are perpetrators.
It can’t be this bad, right? Oh yes, it gets worse.
Male-bashing (literally) has even made it into the comics. You know something is accepted in our society when it’s part of a comic strip. And here it is (ZITS):
So, when is this going to stop?
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January 5th, 2007 00:01
< ![CDATA[[...] My Take On Male-Bashing January 5th, 2007 by Teri Stoddard Male-Bashing Is Unacceptable [...] ]]>
January 5th, 2007 00:46
< ![CDATA[Thank you Terri for all the wonderful work you do for fathers - you are a true Saint who is doing her best to end the injustices against men that are tearing the sexes apart.
Imagine if we lived in world were we cared about violence against women as much as we care about violence against men.
A lot of men and women would be shocked and appauled if we started showing the same callousness towards female victims of abuse and violnce as we currently show to male victims.]]>
January 5th, 2007 03:50
< ![CDATA[Maybe I am myopic as well as dim. I see you, Teri, and a few other woman of sense and sensitivity, raising the standard, trying so hard to see the right thing, say the right thing, do the right thing. Its an uphill battle you fight and I am constantly impressed by your persistence and encouragement.
But behind you is a battlefield virtually devoid of women. Women who are mothers to boys, wives to husbands, sisters to brothers, daughters of fathers.
Instead, I see these women lining the fence, nodding and smiling at every mysandric sentiment, laughing at all the male ineptitude jokes, criticising unreasonably any male in earshot and particularly the men in their lives. Their men, their husbands, their sons, their brothers, their fathers, the males that love them, get the brunt of the passive misandry of these women. The social services lead the way with active, destructive discrimination.
Is it my eyesight? Am I just not reading the right literature. The right blogs. Is there a groundswell of women's voices decrying all this destructive anti-male agitprop, that I am not hearing? Or are you virtually alone out there, fighting for fairness, the lone woman in a battalion of men?
If there can be some more dismayed than men, it must be the tiny group of good women, you amongst them, who watch their own gender destroy all that is good in relationships.
God loves you Teri, but I doubt there are many women who do.]]>
January 5th, 2007 06:45
< ![CDATA[We need Zero Tolerance for Dometic Violence in the Media. You see it / hear it, you report it.
Last Fall, Paul Harvey, of all people, chuckled about a story that a woman sprayed her drunk, passed-out husband with bear mace. No charges filed against her. Reverse the gender, and someone goes to jail, and Mr. Harvey is no longer chuckling. I have a personal boycott on one of my favorite talk-radio personalities.]]>
January 5th, 2007 06:59
< ![CDATA[That strip isn't even funny either! She has cramps and might be a tad emotional (yea right) so she has a pass to whack the guy for saying.. OMFG!... Happy New year? HARDY HAR HAR! Funny stuff right there! You know what would have been even funnier? If she kicked him in the crotch! Now THAT'S funny!
I gots this ingrown toenail that's really bothering me, can I go into the office and whack the Receptionist when she says "good morning" to me?
Thanks for all your hard work Teri.
TMOTS]]>
January 5th, 2007 07:47
< ![CDATA[Teri, again, thank you for everything.
The Zits comic strip gives me a neat little idea.
Next time a man gets assaulted by a woman for provoking her with a polite greeting and there are witnesses,
Let him bring a civil action against her for PERSONAL INJURY.
It just might work!]]>
January 5th, 2007 09:38
< ![CDATA[so what is being done about the author and publishers of the ZITS comix?]]>
January 5th, 2007 15:03
< ![CDATA[I notice Will Maven and John Bambenek are
conspicuous by their absence in this comment thread.]]>
January 5th, 2007 18:25
< ![CDATA[I stopped reading after the line "While I applaud Maria Marin's desire to empower women".
You can't empower women except at the expense of men. It is a zero-sum game.
Saying that women should be empowered is equivalent to saying that male-bashing is acceptable. Empowerment of women IS male-bashing. The only way to stop male-bashing is to DISempower women.
So obviously, Teri Stoddard is not sincere in her opposition to male-bashing.]]>
January 5th, 2007 19:13
< ![CDATA[The proof is in the pudding as they say, Grizzli, not in half a syllogism. I have no doubts at all about Teri's sincerity. Her hard, consistent work versus your mouth. It may be a zero-sum game to you but its you that doesn't add up.]]>
January 5th, 2007 19:53
< ![CDATA[Men have simply got to stop blaming women for everything that is wrong in our world. We have to take responsibility for our own lives and resolve those issues that effect us in a negative way. Do what ever is necessary to insure your financial security, good health and emotional well being. That may mean being with a women or it may not. Every man has to decide that on his own terms. Just like in the military, C.Y.A.. I did not and paid for it in a massive way, but I sure am cognizant of who is culpable. ME!]]>
January 5th, 2007 20:26
< ![CDATA[donnie, maybe. It is easy to apportion blame to the victims. Maybe some were partially culpable, but the mugger remains the mugger and the thief the thief, whether the victim was wearing his Rolex boastfully or not.
We do not blame women for everything that is wrong with the world. Overstatement doesn't help your arguement.
Love is little without trust. CYA may be a strategic necessity these days but it is just another nail in Love's coffin. Another win for the Princess of Lies.]]>
January 5th, 2007 20:32
< ![CDATA[***** The proof is in the pudding as they say, Grizzli, not in half a syllogism. I have no doubts at all about Teri’s sincerity. Her hard, consistent work versus your mouth.*****
Her hard consistent work and the stuff that comes out of my a-----e bear a suspicious resemblance to one another and both of them are in your mouth.
***** It may be a zero-sum game to you but its you that doesn’t add up.*****
And it's you that doesn't measure up.
A woman who wants to empower women is a woman who hates men. A man who wants to empower women is a man that hates himself.
Think of a desert island with two men and one gun. The gun can only be in possession of one man. How do you empower one man without disempowering the other? Relations between men and women work the same way.]]>
January 5th, 2007 20:43
< ![CDATA[Excuse me for butting in here, but I'm the one who wrote it, and I have the answer. Saying "A woman who wants to empower women is a woman who hates men" is pretty silly. When I wrote this article and used the word "empowerment" I meant the kind of empowerment that brings people up to their potential, that's all. Many people, male and female, have issues keeping them back. Showing them how to overcome these things empowers them. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the opposite gender.]]>
January 5th, 2007 20:50
< ![CDATA[And thank you to my friends for all of your very kind words. I'm humbled.
Yes, some women dislike me when they first read my stuff. I own a single parent group online and many of the single moms think I hate women. But after they get to know me, and see why I do this, many come to our side. Now I can always count on agreement on our issues when I post there.]]>
January 5th, 2007 20:59
< ![CDATA[God, another female huckster out to "empower women". Gee, I thought that was Oprahs job.]]>
January 5th, 2007 22:43
< ![CDATA[*****Excuse me for butting in here, but I’m the one who wrote it, and I have the answer. Saying “A woman who wants to empower women is a woman who hates men” is pretty silly.*****
No, it's not. If the shoe fits, wear it.
***** When I wrote this article and used the word “empowerment” I meant the kind of empowerment that brings people up to their potential, that’s all.*****
That's "all"? As if that weren't bad enough?
***** Many people, male and female, have issues keeping them back. Showing them how to overcome these things empowers them. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the opposite gender. *****
Yes, it does. You have many different ways of saying that you hate men.]]>
January 5th, 2007 22:46
< ![CDATA[***** And thank you to my friends for all of your very kind words. *****
And if you hadn't run out of aliases, you'd have received a lot more.
***** I'm humbled.*****
You have a great deal to be "humbled" about.
***** Yes, some women dislike me when they first read my stuff. *****
Right now, at least one man despises you, having read your stuff.
You have a great deal to be humbled about.
Yes, some women dislike me when they first read my stuff.]]>
January 5th, 2007 22:49
< ![CDATA[*****God, another female huckster out to “empower women”. Gee, I thought that was Oprahs job.*****
It's a megabuck industry, Ranger, and now there's another sow lining up at the trough.]]>
January 5th, 2007 23:01
< ![CDATA[Jesus wept. As if there weren't enough thickos around. Grizzli, is your real name Greer? Maybe Dworkin? Its the same mouth and stupidity.]]>
January 5th, 2007 23:18
< ![CDATA[Grizzledantagonizer
What is clear is your inability to read! Teri clearly states that bashing guys is "unacceptable". While I'm not sure how you came up with the sow reference, perhaps you can improve your reading AND comprehension skills by starting over with the Cat in the Hat. That appears to be closer to your education level and is closer to the barnyard animals you appear to prefer...
Congress is full of those with similar ideology such as yours, but they use bigger words such as Pelosi, and even immigrants instead of illegal aliens. Trying putting your anger aside long enough to recognize when a women is admitting that there is a problem in her gender world AND she is attempting to educate and recruit other women to assist in correcting the matter at hand. Did you really pass first grade?]]>
January 6th, 2007 09:06
< ![CDATA[Wow, such anger at Terri, one of the few women who really seem to get it. I apologize for those guys Terri, they've embarrased me. To my mind, we need all the female help we can get, and we accept even single issue female advocates who may not agree on everything, because it gives us credibility.
However, I dislike the word "empower" from the beginning regardless hwo is doing it and to whom it is being done. It is a liberal concept and maybe Im overly sensitive but it pushes bad buttons in me. Its one of those soft verbs that sound great but mean little of a tangible nature, and these soft verbs tend to be dwelt upon by women. Sorry Terri, its not intended as an attack or insult because I think I know your intentions and they are solid.
Thanks for what you do.]]>
January 6th, 2007 15:11
< ![CDATA[Hi Teri,
(Yeah, it's me, Paul. I got bored reading up on tech stuff and figured I'd come see what your blog was up to. I see you've decided to go very commercial. Good job!)
You know, grizzlie, I am so naive I thought we got passed this stuff decades ago. When I ran into the modern gender war, it really surprised me. The prejudice towards men has gotten deeply ingrained into law and politics - not just in America, but around the world.
It's disgusting.
Everyone plays off the old gender roles. I think mostly because it's all we know.
No one has figured out how to surrender to their passions and instincts without doing the mating dance game. Strange as it may sound, it makes us all so very primitive and tribal while we act so sophisticated.
And then one side or the other decides they've had enough of putting on the pretense, and from the confusion comes misplaced anger and resentment.
What a bad joke we all are.
And I have to admit I'm as hypocritical as anyone. I still enjoy opening doors for women, and the best date is still a long intense conversation over dinner fascinated at a woman's unique take on things - without any overt mention of sex, it's intensely erotic.
Yet at the same time I respect responsible women in positions of authority. I even go so far as to expect a woman to be responsible for her actions; not like the childish, self-centered Brittany character in the cartoon. To my mind, Brittany is a woman who's looking to take advantage of her sex, simply - and not worth treating with any more respect than an errant child.
She doesn't realize it, but she's setting herself up to be treated like a thing, not a person. In the popular parlance, she's objectifying herself.
And you, grizzlie, are just doing the same thing. In fact, you're reactionary thinking is surrendering control to the Brittany's of this world. She treats "you" like fecal matter, and you say that's just the way it is.
Well, it's not. And that's the message - to my mind - of Teri's blog.
I think it's long past time we told the Brittany's to grow up; and did a little of the same ourselves.
Brittany has no right to transfer her discomfort and frustrations to the guy who greets her. He, - nor any other man - is in the world to take her abuse just because she's female.
That cartoon implies that the guy on the floor would approve of Brittany's reasons. Now, that is crazy. What's sad is that it's an attitude that is widely pervasive from individuals to the lawmakers and courts.
Hint: Letting a woman crack your skull is not chivalrous. It's just plain stupid.
I'm not going to say the guy on the floor should stand up and knock her down because that's not something I would do. However, it is a common personal choice, I know.
What he should do, in our sophisticated non-discriminating society, is to call the police and have her arrested for assault.
Unfortunately, we all know what would happen there: He'd be laughed at by the police, and everyone around him.
It does sorta put the man in a lose-lose situation, which is intolerable.
It's intolerable for the simple reason it denies him a sense of self-respect.
The man doesn't stand up and knock Brittany down. He does what most decent men would do: He simply leaves the picture silently.
Where he may ultimately lose his self-respect is if he were to continue to express any interest in Brittany. Some may call this "Love", but it's just enabling abuse.
It is, in the final analysis, his choice though.
The sickest part in this cartoon is not Brittany, or the guy who disappears from the picture, but her friend who condones and supports Brittany. She is enabling abuse, too.
The very human kicker is this: Brittany and the guy may someday date - the abuser and her enabler may form a relationship.
Thing is, Brittany has already introduced violence into the relationship, along with selfishness and abuse.
It's not hard to see what sort of relationship they'll have; or the course it will take.
He'll be obsequious towards her for a while, enduring her abuse as just "Brittany being herself", and then one day he'll grow tired of being spit on day after day.
All that rage comes flowing back, and ... He goes to jail for assault and abuse.
There's a kicker here too, in our contemporary social attitude: He doesn't ever have to do anything. He may never strike her. He may, in time, try to get her to change her actions - to become responsible for her actions.
But she is addicted to abuse. Not only will she not change, but she'll accuse him of the abuse!
And thanks to the male-bashing in cartoons like the one above, most people will believe her; including the police, social services, and the courts.
He can lose everything along with his self respect to simple prejudice.
But again, he made his own choices, didn't he?
The empowerment Teri is talking about here is responsibility for one's actions - otherwise known as the basis for self-respect.
Brittany made her choices, too.
Amor]]>
January 6th, 2007 15:31
< ![CDATA[Wanna hear it all in a nutshell, grizzlie?
In Lethal Weapon, Danny Glover moans, "God hates me."
Gibson's character replies (in true aussie glib), "Hate 'im back. It works for me."
Now, Mel Gibson is a product of a nation where a candidate for Prime Minister in the last election announced that religious people were "just loopy" on national TV - and almost no one noticed.
So go figure.
Amor]]>
January 6th, 2007 21:50
< ![CDATA[Mel Gibson immigrated to Oz. Not a home-grown product. Fortunately he buggered off again as soon as he'd made a few bucks taking his very own glib with him. You lot have him now. Hahahahha]]>
January 6th, 2007 22:38
< ![CDATA[[...] Fellow MNDer, Teri Stoddard, recently wrote a column entitled “Male Bashing is Unacceptable” for which she recieved a lot of flack for daring to suggest that having women feel empowered was a not a bad thing. I have to say that I tend to agree with her, as she made it quite clear that the trendy way of doing it by denigrating men is what she finds objectionable. [...] ]]>
January 7th, 2007 08:53
< ![CDATA[Teri is a true rarity, a female, American no less, that thinks for herself and doesn't build herself up by tearing men down. I wish that attitude was as easily passed along as is the hate and vitriol from the rabid feminists, but then I view this as a common defect in women, the inability to demonstrate true decency, Teri notwithstanding.]]>
January 7th, 2007 13:54
< ![CDATA[While you guys are criticizing radical feminists for their hatred of men, I'm getting the brunt of radical women-hater grizzlie's anger in my inbox. The radical feminists aren't any worse than this guy, they're just more organized.]]>
January 7th, 2007 17:20
< ![CDATA[There is almost always one Teri. More than likely, "he" is not a "he" at all but a femikook in drag. Wouldn't be the first time a femikook played off as an MRA, and did it with the hatred towards women as so many femikooks accuse MRA's of. You know, to prove the point that MRA's hate women.
TMOTS]]>
January 7th, 2007 17:30
< ![CDATA[I agree with TMOTS - Grizzlie sounds like a feminasty in disguise. If this person is sending you private hate mail in an effort to silence you, then he/she is almost certainly a troll. Ignore her and she will probably return to Feministing where she belongs.]]>
January 16th, 2007 14:58
< ![CDATA[Hey Terri,
Just thought I would take a moment to stop by and say "Hello". Keep up the GREAT work you are a very kind, caring, considerate, thoughtful and intelligent human being AND I LOVED your article! very well said. THANK YOU!
Donald Tenn
California State Coordinator
FATHERS-4-JUSTICE/US
PO Box 276885
Sacramento, California
95827-6885
Office: (916) 838-6291
Facsimile: (916) 366-7383
Electronic Mail: donald.tenn@ca.f4j.us
Web site: http://www.fathers-4-justice.us
The Super Heros at FATHERS-4-JUSTICE are
NON-violently fighting for *TRUTH* *JUSTICE* *EQUALITY* in the Nations Family Courts for BOTH Mothers and Fathers
Fathers-4-Justice is a Nationwide VOLUNTEER army of Fathers, Mothers and Grandparents. JOIN / DONATE f4j.us is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization.]]>
January 31st, 2008 15:51
< ![CDATA[Dear Teri,
I would hope as much as you have talked to Jeffery Shipman about his situation that if you have heard from or know where Jeffery is that you would volunteer such information to the F.B.I. for we are talking about the well being of a child now. Unless you approve of him kidnapping his daughter and taking her away from the rest of her family. How do you feel about her mother never seeing her at all. No visits every other weekend or I evening a week. There are legal ways to handle things and we may not agree with them , but without them this world would be chaos. Find ways to change things yes, but don't rob someone else of there rights because you think you are being treated unfair.]]>