Friday is Fatherless Day, visit your capital

Fathers 4 Justice is holding their annual Fatherless Day rallies this Friday in state capitals across the country.

With Fathers Day approaching, we’re seeing the usual articles blaming fathers for the country’s growing fatherless problem.  Currently, approximately four of every ten children who don’t live with their fathers haven’t seen them in over a year.

“I talk to parents across the country every day,” said Donald Tenn with Fathers 4 Justice, “and I can tell you that most of those fathers are not absent by choice.”  It’s lack of due process in family courts and no respect for family rights that are at fault, according to many fatherhood advocates.

Spend any time in the fathers/family rights movement online and you’ll be shocked at how many parents are fighting with everything they have to stay in their children’s lives.  Their heartbreaking stories can be found in Yahoo and Google groups, on website forums and on Facebook.  Many of these parents have lost everything, from their homes to their bank accounts.  But nothing, they say, is as hard as losing the ability to parent their children.

You’ll find men like Jack Frost of New York. (photo)  Frost recently protested outside his son’s doctor’s office in an attempt to have his desires heard and his rights recognized regarding his son’s DNR.  As a noncustodial father trying to save his son’s life he isn’t getting a lot of help, he says.  This isn’t the first time Frost has taken a stand for family rights.  He participated in a peaceful protest with activist John Murtari in Lyons, NY in November.

Fathers and mothers who have been removed from their children’s lives or who have had their parenting reduced, their family, friends and supporters are encouraged to participate in this event. (news video of last year’s event in Sacramento)

Fatherless Day
Friday, June 18, 9-4
Your State Capital
Lobby in the morning
Rally in the afternoon
info@f4j.us

Related Links

Original article on examiner.com

Teri Stoddard is a nature loving, 50-something San Francisco Bay Area native, mom of four and grandma to two. After a career in foster and child day care, Teri continues her child advocacy by reporting on family rights and issues affecting San Francisco Bay Area families.

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2010 Parental Alienation Awareness Day around the world

Sunday was Parental Alienation Day, the holiday of heartbreak. Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) organized a Bubbles of Love campaign so that alienated parents around the world could unite in spirit, support and public awareness.  Adults, children, and even dogs got involved in the public bubble-blowing events. Reports and photos have come in from Toronto and Barrie in Ontario, Canada, Kristianstad, Sweden and Frankfurt, Germany.  (photos)

Parents, grandparents and other concerned citizens held a candlelight vigil in Denver, Colorado.  Members of Three Sides to Every Story, Equal Justice Foundation, Equal Parenting Party,  Coalition for Equal Parenting, Abuse Freedom United, CoFathers and National Forum On Judicial Accountability (NFOJA) united to bring awareness of the unnecessary suffering of Colorado families.  (photos)

“We have asked our esteemed Governor Bill Ritter to proclaim April 25 as Parental Alienation Awareness Day,” said Colorado grandmother Sheryle Hutter, “and he has denied us two years in a row.”  Hutter also wants people to remember “the 35 children who have died while under the supervision of Colorado’s Health and Human Services and Child Protective Services” the last few years. 

Alienated and left-behind parents and supporters held a candlelight vigil at the State Capital in Sacramento, California on Sunday evening.  Representatives of Families 4 Justice, Fathers 4 Justice, Live Beat Dads, parentalrights.org and the Judicial Reform Coalition came together to bring awareness of parental alienation and offer support to victims.  (photos)

Listen as Pat Montgomery on Parents Rule talks with Mike Jeffries, author of A Family’s Heartbreak.  Jeffries describes his harrowing experience with parental alienation, reports that equal numbers of men and women are victims, helps us understand what it is, and offers suggestions on how to cope.

Most victims of parental alienation believe it can be prevented by enforcement of court-ordered parenting times.

This article originally appeared in examiner.com.

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Teri Stoddard is a nature loving, 50-something San Francisco Bay Area native, mom of four and grandma to two. After a career in foster and child day care, Teri continues her child advocacy by reporting on family rights and issues affecting San Francisco Bay Area families.

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Parental Alienation Day, the holiday of heartbreak

Parental Alienation Day is one holiday that no one wants to celebrate.  For many the name stirs a mild curiosity.  For others, a searing pain that cuts through their very soul.

Mike Jeffries said it best on Basil & Spice when he wrote, “You won’t find an e-card that says, ‘Happy Parental Alienation Day.’ However if more people know why parents alienate a child from the child’s other parent, and how damaging these behaviors are to the child, then more people can help address the problem. Awareness and education are the first steps towards change.”  See Parental alienation information and support.

How common is parental alienation?  Four out of every 10 children whose parents don’t live together haven’t seen their fathers in over a year.  See Why is there a fathers rights movement?.

Mothers are victims of parental alienation too.  Which is why some are left scratching their heads when radical feminist domestic violence advocates and so-called “protective mother” groups film fake documentaries to convince legislators that parental alienation isn’t real.

What causes parental alienation?  Many things can set parental alienation in motion.  From a man taking the advice of his attorney to “go after her” with everything he has, to a woman taking the advice of friends to say she’s “scared of him.”  See VAWA funds parental child abduction.  Well-meaning but misinformed people can knock separating parents off-track.

National columnist Kathleen Parker, who is pro-family court reform and a friend to fathers recently won the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary.  Fathers & Families quote Parker:  “The divorce system is counterintuitive and morally bankrupt, and needs reinventing… What the organized fathers’ groups want isn’t wrong or mean-spirited but right and fair to children. Who among us can blame a man, wrongfully denied his own child, for shouting out that he was framed?”

Equal parenting 101: What’s the best way to divorce with children?

Teri Stoddard is a nature loving, 50-something San Francisco Bay Area native, mom of four and grandma to two. After a career in foster and child day care, Teri continues her child advocacy by reporting on family rights and issues affecting San Francisco Bay Area families. Teri is Director of Marketing for Danville and Lamorinda College Nannies & Tutors.

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Family Rights 101: Where can I learn more and hear victim stories?

Parents who find their rights violated in the many ways that can result in losing contact with their children often feel completely alone.  Parents who worry they are looked at differently by their community are less likely to reach out for help.  And the grief that comes with what is described as a living death can lead to self-imposed isolation. Fortunately they can share their stories and find information and peer support online.

The following list consists of internet podcasts and radio shows, some live and interactive, as well as audio archives about family rights issues.  These audio shows feature interviews with professionals and victim families.

An open-ended collection: Please post family rights audio shows in the comment section that have been over-looked and that you would recommend.
Related:

Equal parenting 101: What’s the best way to divorce with children?

Your divorce or child custody case will be as difficult as one or both of you allow it to be.

A quick internet search yields unlimited stories of adversarial child custody cases.  The family court system facilitates cases that go on for years, even decades.  Some end in tragedy.

Parents who are not or can not be together, owe it to their children to keep their lives as peaceful, and as normal as possible during any household changes, legal proceedings and co-parenting.

As a couple you can co-write and file your own parenting plan with the courts.  That idea intimidates many parents, even though it could save a lot of money.  It also helps parents feel they are in control of the process at a time when emotions can run high.

Collaborative law practitioners in the San Francisco Bay area:

Self-help resources:

An open-ended collection: Please post collaborative practitioners and self-help websites in the comment section that have been over-looked and that you would recommend.
Related articles:

See also:


Grieving Parents Lose Thousands To Con Artist

Whether by disease, accident, murder or suicide, losing a child is one of the worst experiences a person could face. Another tragedy that ranks at the top of the list is having a missing child. Strangers abduct a small percentage of these children. Most are abducted by one of their parents.

There’s one type of parental child abduction that doesn’t get much attention. It happens when one parent uses the legal system to postpone or eliminate any chance of the other parent spending time with the children. One way is by claiming fear of domestic violence. Studies now show that sixty to eighty percent of allegations of domestic violence are later found to be unnecessary or false.

Many parents who find themselves victims of this hidden crime are confused, outraged, overwhelmed and desperate. Those who look for help online can find a wealth of information on websites and in related forums. Some offer in-person meetings and conferences. Others offer interactive Internet talk shows.

As described in Defiant Dads, most of these people are knowledgeable, sincere, and generous with their advice and encouragement. Unfortunately this is not true of everyone a parent might come across in the online community, which is often called the fathers’ movement, the family rights movement or the equal parenting movement. One man who has taken advantage of these vulnerable parents is Torm Howse, creator of the website UnitedCivilRights.org.

Howse, who has spent time in prison for intimidation and battery, been convicted of child abuse, and allegedly has warrants out for his arrest, offers his services writing legal papers. His own emails quote the rate of $40 an hour. He has told some parents that $400 would get his services for life. Yet he was able to get $1,000 from one parent and $3,000 from another. Howse usually has the money sent through the website’s PayPal donation account.

“Torm Howse works on people’s vulnerabilities. That’s what he did to me,” said Donald Tenn, board member of Fathers 4 Justice – US and father to abducted Madison Tenn, “I paid him $200 because he told me that he guaranteed I would get Madison back. I still haven’t received one piece of paper from him, and know I never will. I can take someone hurting me, but Howse exploits little children like my daughter Madison.”

“I was new in the movement, extremely vulnerable and desperate to find someone to help me. I worked with Mr. Howse to create the United Civil Rights Councils of America, not knowing he was a master at manipulation,” said Theresa Martin, who lived with Howse for a year, “He convinced me he was losing his storage unit in Indiana so I agreed to him storing his items in my home. When he showed up with his stuff he said he wasn’t about to go anywhere.”

“I thought I needed Torm to help me. I believed in my heart he was the only one who could,” she explained, “We had agreed he’d rent a room from me, but he didn’t pay me. I asked him to leave my home every single day for almost a year. He just refused!”

Howse left some parents at risk of jail. “When Torm Howse first started he was on time,” said Gary Helman, “then after the first hearing he started delaying everything. I was always getting emails from him saying I will have it tonight. I paid for an interlocutory appeal that he never finished. I paid for a civil suit that he never finished. I paid for an appeal and I never received it. I paid him $3,000 over all. Last July Torm called me and said, ‘they’re going to take you to jail. The food is not bad there,’ and he laughed.”

“I let Torm Howse stay in my house for a week, and paid him $1,000 to rewrite my complaint. It had been weeks and he wouldn’t get it done – ‘trust me, it is a complete victory’ he kept saying,” David Bardes told me, “Then one day he just walked out. I was left to do all the paperwork myself, with very little time.”  These are just some of the people who claim Howse has defrauded them.  When asked to comment, Howse declined.

There were many objections when Howse first proposed his equal parenting class action lawsuits a few years ago. Ray Lautenschlager, of Parents And Children for Equality (PACE) said “Mike Galluzzo, Chuck Evans and I told Howse that his civil suit was a doomed effort because the wording and legal approach would not work, based on past experience and what we were finding out with the Galluzzo case at that time. The end result was a mass dismissal of all of the cases that they brought forth. And financial losses that were unnecessarily placed on the people that this wannabe leader had duped.”

The Financial Cost of Child Abduction

by Timothy Weinstein

Parental abduction in itself is a traumatic event for the left-behind parent. Brazil alone has over 50 cases of abduction from the United States representing over 70 children, my own two included. In addition to the emotional costs the left-behind parent must endure, one must understand the financial costs.


Due to my personal experiences, this article will focus on Brazil.


Consider the case of David Goldman; in the 4 ½ years since his son, Sean, was abducted, he has spent over $360,000 in legal and travel expenses. He is not alone and according to a December 27, 2008 article published in the Financial Post, “[Francois Larivee] has burned through $150,000, and still there is no end in sight.”


Add to this list, Marty Pate who to date has spent over $135,000, Klaus Zensen who has spent $65,000, Alessandra Oliveira is at $30,000 and counting – and the list goes on and on. Yet not one of these parents has their child back home.


From this, it appears rather obvious that the only people winning are the attorneys.


At least one parent, Gary Reilly, whose twin sons were abducted to Brazil in April, 2004, never petitioned for the return of his children due to the perceived cost of litigation. As told in a thread on BringSeanHome.org, when he consulted an attorney, “He also told me that if I went to court, be prepared to pay a minimum of at least $100,000, before anything was decided.” A different attorney in Brazil, when asked what it would cost to present in court a Hague Convention case, quoted $30,000 plus another $20,000 if the case was won. When asked if the definition of winning meant that the child was returned, the answer was “No”. Winning simply meant that the first judge ordered the return of the child, not mentioning the likely rounds of appeals.


How tragic it is that a lack of money rather than a lack of love could keep a parent from their child.


There are certain legal strategies of use to help alleviate the costs of expensive litigation related to a petition under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. One such strategy is to sue the abducting parent (and any accomplices) in the United States courts. If you’re lucky enough, they may have assets you can retrieve. Related to this strategy, David Goldman reached a settlement with his child’s grandparents for $150,000 – a lot of money until one considers that he has spent over twice that so far in litigation. Another father, Marty Pate, was awarded $65,000 in U.S. courts, an amount unfortunately, he’ll likely never see.


This situation may have changed with the Shannon-v-Khalifa precedent who was awarded a massive $3 million jury award upheld on apeal last year, yet the sting in the tail is there are no US assets to make the judgment work; the children are gone and remain overseas with no contact with their father.


It doesn’t have to be this way.


According to Article 26 of the Hague Convention,


“Central Authorities and other public services of Contracting States[think country] shall not impose any charges in relation to applications submitted under this Convention. In particular, they may not require any payment from the applicant towards the costs and expenses of the proceedings or, where applicable, those arising from the participation of legal counsel or advisers.”


Although it allows a Contracting State to make a reservation when it accedes to the Convention, thus removing itself from this obligation, Brazil has not.


Article 26 continues by stating,


“Upon ordering the return of a child or issuing an order concerning rights of access under this Convention, the judicial or administrative authorities may, where appropriate, direct the person who removed or retained the child, or who prevented the exercise of rights of access, to pay necessary expenses incurred by or on behalf of the applicant, including travel expenses, any costs incurred or payments made for locating the child, the costs of legal representation of the applicant, and those of returning the child.”


What does all of this mean?


First, a left-behind parent may request an attorney from the AGU[think attorney general] in Brazil. In this instance, the Brazilian government itself becomes the plaintiff and assumes the legal fees. I, along with others, have used this arrangement, leaving precious financial resources available for travel and other expenses rather than legal fees. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this arrangement, but I’ll leave that to another discussion.


Second, it allows the left-behind parent to sue in Brazil for all costs they incurred in the fight to have their child returned to his or her habitual residence. This however is predicated on the Brazilian court system first ordering the return of an abducted child, something they have done only once so far to the United States.


Where does this leave us?


Back to the first sentence of this article. While international child abduction is an inexcusable tragedy with a huge emotional bill, averting the financial cost is possible, however, it is highly problematical and there is no help with a large part of the overall costs which are not legal related – travel, accomodation and simple living expenses – and this assumes you know where your child is to start the process in the first instance.


©Timothy Weinstein 2009


Also, a 2007 post by another left behind parent Karl Hindle :

Who foots the bill in an international child abduction ?

First Father Falls For Feminist Fraud, Fails Fatherhood

As a fathers’ advocate, I had hope when President Obama was elected. Some expressed disappointment that the author of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) had become Vice President. They feared more gender-based discrimination. Being a liberal egalitarian, I was optimistic.

My president had said he respects our civil rights. I believed all we needed to do was show President Obama and Vice President Biden how false allegations of domestic violence hurt 170,000 children a year.1,2 How VAWA has lead to uncontrollable corruption from individual shelters all the way to the US Department of State.

I was sure President Obama would agree that every parent deserves due process. Those parents deserve a trial with a jury of their peers, before the possibility of losing custody of their children. I wanted to show him how many fathers are absent from their children’s lives, by no fault of their own.

But before I knew it, President Obama disappointed me. He also disappointed millions of fathers who are grieving the unjust absence of their children. Instead of making things more equal between the genders, we now have an Office on Women and Children. And we don’t have one for men and their children.


1 Johnston J et al. Allegations and substantiations of abuse in custody-disputing families.

Family Court Review, Vol. 43, No. 2, 2005.

2 Foster B. Analysis of Domestic Violence Costs in West Virginia and the Potential Cost of False or Unnecessary Claims. Social Science Research Network. September 12, 2007. http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1015102

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Goldman Abduction Case Opens Wounds For Parents Of Children Abducted To Or Within The US

Watching the Sean Goldman parental child abduction case unfold in the media has been bittersweet for parents of children still missing. All American parents with children abducted to foreign countries experience the same emotions and frustrations as Sean’s father David Goldman. He’s fortunate to have the help of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Foreign parents must endure the same trauma when their children are illegally abducted to America. These parents look to the Department of State for help too. In at least one case that I’ve reported on, that of Emily Hindle, the State Department did not help; they hurt.

Karl Hindle has been fighting for several years to have his daughter Emily returned to the UK. Not only did Emily’s mother illegally abducted her, she attempted to give Emily away in an illegal adoption. With the help of unscrupulous domestic violence agents, she has filed hundreds of false allegations of domestic violence and even child sexual assault charges against Karl. All of which have been thrown out.

Supervisors in the International Child Abduction Division of the US State Department arranged the illegal abduction. Ignoring new family court orders, they hid mother and child for years. Even while Emily was listed as missing and endangered. Hillary Clinton could initiate an internal investigation into this and other cases.

What about parents who live in the US, whose children have been illegally abducted to another state? Who can they turn to? Donald Tenn of Fathers 4 Justice and Families 4 Justice would like to know. Her mother illegally abducted Tenn’s daughter Madison. She also has filed numerous false allegations of domestic violence. They’ve also been thrown out.

Studies now show that 70% of all allegations of domestic violence are unnecessary or false. Many parents like Tenn have proven fraud and contempt of court on the part of the other parent, yet get no relief. After being bounced from one state to the other, he finally got an order for visitation. Local authorities refused to enforce the order when her mother didn’t surrender Madison.

Tenn has written to the Governors in his home state of California, and Illinois where Madison now resides. No response from either. Tenn and Paul Fisher, another father climbed a 175′ construction crane in Ohio last September to draw media attention to the issue. Over a well-attended Buckeye football game they hung a 50′ banner. Tenn stayed atop the crane for 4 days, even enduring a dangerous thunderstorm.

When Fisher and Tenn were first spotted by the construction crew it didn’t take long for the workers to express their sympathy. The foreman told the media on scene that they didn’t need to use the crane for a few days anyway. After Tenn descended, he noted that just 10 minutes later the crane was up and running.

Charges were filed against both men, but later dropped. Recently the charge of vandalism was refiled. Tenn noted he brought down their supplies and did not harm the crane in any way. He and Fisher face 18-month prison sentences. They’re due back in Columbus, Ohio in front of Judge Stephen McIntosh on April 13th. When asked for a comment Tenn said, “There should be no jail for being a dad.”

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369 SOUTH HIGH STREET
6TH FLOOR
COLUMBUS, OH 43215

source:? sharedparentingworks.org

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Valor, Virtue And Vital Signs

Martin Luther King wrote: “Nonviolent resistance … is based on the conviction that the universe is on the side of justice.  Consequently, the believer in nonviolence has deep faith in the future.  This faith is another reason why the nonviolent resister can accept suffering without retaliation. For he knows that in his struggle for justice he has cosmic companionship.”

Inspired by Martin Luther King and Gandhi, John Murtari of Lyons, New York is practicing civil disobedience by personal sacrifice while incarcerated in the Wayne County jail. He has not eaten or had any water since he was arrested Monday night for driving without a license.  On Friday Murtari was moved to the medical ward where they could monitor his health more closely.

Murtari claims he doesn’t owe thousands of dollars in child support the State says he owes, so his license should not have been suspended.  He says the support was calculated with a salary he no longer had, and travel expenses to see his son Dominic exceed the amount ordered after the courts allowed his ex-wife to move their son across the country.

Murtari, a quiet, thoughtful man and ex Air Force Training Pilot, was at one time planning on being a priest. He was in pre-seminary training when he realized he couldn’t give up the experience of having a family. After his divorce Murtari saw how many families were adversely affected by bad family laws.  He founded akidsright.org, a group that believes the right to parent our children urgently needs to be protected.

“One foundation of morality is the supremacy of individual conscience – what many know as “let your conscience be your guide.” What more natural obligation does any parent have than to care for their own kids? To be present in their lives in the many roles that only a parent can fill,” wrote Murtari in an essay about civil rights on his website

“I wasn’t expecting this,” he said in a weak voice by phone Friday, “They were waiting for me outside my home.”  Murtari cooperated with police, but went passive once at the jail.  Officers had to undress Murtari and put him in a jumpsuit.

Murtari says they were about to drag him to his cell when a Sergeant said, “No, I’m not doing this.  When I tell inmates to move and they don’t move, I spray them.”  Murtari says he was hit with a blast of pepper spray and went down.

The next thing he knew he was hit by another blast as he was being told to move.  A different officer said, “Come on John, get up.  Let’s get you to the shower to decontaminate you.”  “It took three hours to open my eyes,” Murtari said, “I’m hoping I won’t have scarring around my eye.  It’s pretty bad”

Murtari embarked on a similar protest July 31, 2006, the day he reported to serve a 6-month sentence for “willful failure to pay child support.”  For ten days Murtari had no food or water. Medical personnel tried to tempt him with candy, and threatened not to intervene.  Murtari lost 27 pounds and suffered dehydration, low blood sugar, low blood pressure and an irregular heartbeat before prison officials gave him a feeding tube.

Murtari went 123 days without solid food that time.  He talks about it in the documentary Support? System Down, which highlights the devastating failings of our family law and child support system.   Murtari watched the film in Lyons recently with former President of NOW, author and attorney Karen DeCrow, who also appears in the documentary.

Murtari’s next court hearing is December 17.  In a letter to Judge Forgione he asks, “How can ‘due process’ rights be preserved without recognition of my human right to be considered a fit & equal parent to my child?”  Speaking for all parents he said, “Before we take a person’s freedom, we have a strong presumption of innocence, a right to counsel, and the protection of a jury. The same should apply to interference with the parent/child bond. We need real proof and unbiased jurors to decide. We need a Federal Family Rights Act.”

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